My roommate

I’ve had some questions of late as to the potential crazies of the girl I now live with.  Ok, I’ve lived with her almost a month now, and I’m still not quite sure.  There’s the lonely factor.  I’m absolutely certain that the fact that she can’t stop talking to me has something to do with her having basically lived on her own for the past year.  But she also has two cats, and is on her way to three.  Not that I mind cats – still the attention she pays to them in place of actual people could be indicative of a slightly imbalanced state of mind.  However, she’s a perfectly sweet and nice girl.  As a roommate, her expectations are low.  And she certainly doesn’t expect to be a part of my life, though she occasinally talks my ear off.

So are the potential crazies really a bad thing?  True, she’s possibly a little awkward to have around if you’re welcoming a new acquaintance into your home.  But she’s not the type to become physically dangerous.  And even if she does, she’s about half my size, wispy, and not nearly as mean as me on a joyous and stress-free day. What could she possibly do?  Even if she were to attempt to talk me to death, there’s always the possibility of fleeing in outright rudeness to get away.

On the other hand, she might be catching.  Let’s face it, I’m not the most socially balanced person all on my own.  Sure I can laugh at myself and often do, but I also tend to act even more ridiculous when I’m nervous.  So am I simply more worried of myself sinking into catladydom?  Or is there some deeper, less ridiculous fear there?  Or does it not have anything to do with my own fear for myself at all?  Is it more about this girl, who I don’t know or have any intention of knowing outside of living in the same apartment as her for a year, who I’ve already comforted on one of her bad days because there doesn’t seem to be anyone else?  What does it say that my roommate came home from her job crying and i was almost afraid to hug her?  What kind of world is that?

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My secret? I love my blog.

There are certain standards of polite society regarding what you can tell on a first date, and what you maybe should hold back.  When someone tells you about their mental instability and/or depression on a first date, it’s a dealbreaker, no matter how good the fit.  The same thing goes for certain diseases, physical disorders, family or relationship problems, and emotional outbursts.  Most of us have some of these at one time or another, but for a first date, it’s really too much to handle.

At the same time, there comes a certain point in the dating environment when trust becomes at issue if you don’t tell your questionable secrets.  Eventually, all those not-so-nice parts of our lives that we cope with are going to come out.  The question is when to bring them out.  After a few dates?  Once some sort of compatibility has been established?

My own secret is a little more obvious.  In the world of online dating, networking, and generally hanging out, having a blog is something of a risk.  What if potential (or current) employers stumble upon and see something (gasp!) unprofessional?  What if potential dates stumble upon it, especially if you happen to talk about them?  At the same time, my blog tells a great deal about who I am.  It shows many of those aspects of my personality that are not evident on the first, second, or nth date.  And that’s a plus.  It gives something that just a chat over coffee won’t ever show.

At the same time, I’m not quite sure I’m ready to put myself out there so much.  Sure, I’m already ‘out there’, purging myself to the world wide web, but most of the people who come here are either complete strangers or already know me pretty well.  There’s not much local-area viewing of this blog (at least that I’ve been able to determine thus far).  But do i bare my innermost soul to those I am dating, in the hopes that something good will come of it?  Or do I refrain, at least for a time, from giving that more intimate perspective of me?