Short-term memory loss.

 I have always been a ‘naturally’ forgetful person.  In fact, I always really sympathized with Forgetful Jones on Sesame Street and felt like other characters were unduly mean to him.  It wasn’t his fault he was forgetful!  He was just a poor, little, lost muppet puppet, and he had been made that way.  In my own case, the forgetfulness was probably not so innocent.  I do still have trouble keeping track of things I do not find important – why clutter up your mind with random, pointless knowledge like where your car is parked or your best friend’s birthday?  Until today,  I always attributed as an unwillingness to focus on my part, rather than a really medical condition.  However, this article proved me wrong.  The real cause of my forgetfulness?  Lack of blueberries.

Now, some of you may be saying “I don’t eat a lot of blueberries, and my memory is fine”.  Some of you may be speaking in a language I don’t understand, saying , “I’ve never even seen a blueberry.”  Well, for those I can’t understand, you probably get your short-term memory drugs from some other arcane source such as the go-go fruit.  But the rest of you will understand me when I say that there’s a difference between ‘a lot’ of blueberries and ‘none’.

I hate blueberries.  I personally feel they are the most disgusting fruit on the planet, with the questionable exception of unripe persimmons or quince.  I’ve never had unripe quince myself, but I understand they’re gross.  I don’t know – something about their texture or substance gives them the taste of grainy mud.  It’s like rotting in my mouth.  I apologize to all of you out there who are blueberry lovers, and assure you that  i am not disparaging your love.  I merely seek to accurately represent my own personal loathing for the fruit.

With this loathing, comes extreme avoidance.  Just thinking about a blueberry makes my mouth pucker.   So I haven’t been eating them.  And since I can’t get the go-go fruit at my local market or mystic items purveyor, I’ve been neglecting the full nutrition of my short-term memory for years.  I am determined now to find a substitute and to get my mind back up to par.  I will find the elusive go-go, and make use, if it’s the last thing I do.  Unfortunately, as Wonka says, “They all turn into blueberries.”

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2 Comments

  1. Alex said,

    March 27, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    As your local brain person, I’m happy to tell you that antioxidants are only really helpful in middle to older age (if at all), and it seems to work by keeping your memory working longer, not making it better. So good news: you don’t have to eat blueberries. Bad news: finding the go-go fruit won’t help you either.

  2. sedgehammer said,

    March 27, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Wait, you mean I haven’t even made it to middle age yet? Drats.


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